About Myself (2019)

I'm Yoso Shimray.

I was born and raised in Imphal. My favourite things in life are movies, music, and football. Nothing can go wrong for me if I have at least one of these three things.

When I was 10 I dreamt of becoming a professional footballer. An avid football fan, I used to collect newspaper clippings of all my favourite players and maintained scrapbooks. I idolised Frank Lampard. His ability and flair on the football pitch wowed me to the point that I started to copy everything he did. I've been a Chelsea supporter my whole life all thanks to Frank. 

As much as I tried I never made the school team. Then in the seventh standard the doctor told me to quit playing football because of a medical condition. I was gutted. My dream was over.

Then I turned 15, that was when I discovered my passion for music. Me and a couple of like-minded friends formed a band. We called ourselves GRKS. It stood for Geek, Ruse, Kook, Sook, each an assumed moniker for each member. As teenagers, we wrote and sang about young love and teenage angst. Our very first song was titled 'The twist in my story', a narrative about a guy not being able to move on after the girl he loved left him. The song was very popular among the students of our school. By our standards I guess you could say it was a hit, our very first. We wrote and performed many other songs in the school and elsewhere. As time went on the band had to go our separate ways leaving behind great memories which we would cherish forever.

Fast forward to when I turned 20, that was when I found my love for movies and this time I decided that I wanted to become a filmmaker. I watched everything, from the works and masterpieces created by auteurs to Michael Bay's 'explosive' blockbusters, and loved everything. Films were worse than nicotine I discovered. I spent all my spare time watching and studying films. Film school was the dream after college but it never happened. My parents couldn't afford it. But fueled by the Quentin Tarantino quote, 'I didn't go to film school, I went to films.', I'm still working towards achieving that dream.

Perhaps someday.

"Make films, not war."

In the wonderful world of cinema, we have come across a variety of genres and styles of films- Romance, comedy, thriller, action, crime, documentary, sci-fi, war films, animation, etc. A lot of movie buffs, like myself, find it difficult to pick a favourite - personally feel that it is unfair to pick a favourite, or I just feel not worthy enough to be picking one. But there is one particular genre that makes me think about human nature and how we respond to tragedies, suffering, and loss of humanity...

War films.

What is it about this genre that we love so dearly? Why do we hate war but love the films that are inspired by it?

Asking myself these questions, I find myself imagining an uncomfortable scenario where I have the power to go back in time and stop World War II at its tracks, and that would mean films like The Pianist, Saving Private Ryan, Schindler's List, Life Is Beautiful, The Grave Of The Fireflies, The Boy In The Striped Pajamas, Letters from Iwo Jima, Pearl Harbor, and all other films inspired by World War Il would be wiped out from the face of the earth.

Even though I would be saving millions and countless lives, it would still be a heavy price to pay, won't it? Yes, I know I sound borderline sociopathic when I say that out loud but I'm sure every war film lover (or a film lover in general) would feel a little pang of sadness for a second before erasing all traces and memories of war films from the minds of everyone. And rightly so, because these films made us feel, they broke our hearts and spirits into a million pieces, they made us think of loss and wallow in deep melancholia, they made us appreciate the little things we otherwise would've taken for granted, and they most certainly scare the wits out of us. And to erase these films would be to erase these feelings and emotions that reminded us that we are humans, feelings and emotions that somehow made us feel alive and perhaps, even made us better human beings.

War and art inspired by war. This whole thing unfolds itself as a beautiful irony- You hate war but you are thankful for the films that have been inspired by it. Maybe that's how life and art breathe, by the latter borrowing and imitating the former, and sometimes they even borrow from each other.

But coming back to the scenario, and just for clarity's sake! Of course, I'd rather save millions of people than saving a handful of war films. This is the unwavering decision I would make over and over again, if given the chance.

I guess we'd all have to settle for less sadder things (than war) in life.

MUSIC, THE MONKEYS & ME.

Music was one of my favourite pastimes as a kid in high school and it still is now. Listening to music provided an escape from the monotony of the classroom and the dreariness that comes with studying. Listening to artists like Green Day, Linkin Park, The Script, The Strokes greatly influenced me, but none more so than those four boys from Sheffield, the Arctic Monkeys.

Alex, Matt, Jamie and Nick, collectively known as the Arctic Monkeys are a four piece indie rock band from Sheffield, England. My first encounter with the Monkeys came in the form of a magazine back in the year 2009. I was in the 8th standard and had just discovered indie music. After reading about the boys in the magazine i went on to listen to their music. Their third full length album, Humbug had just released that year. Sporting leather jackets and shoulder length hair, the boys sang about propellers, secret doors and dangerous animals in the album. It was love at first listen. Their songs, the lyrics, were really relatable and applicable for me in my life. I can imagine every life changing moment in my life being accompanied by and Arctic Monkeys song, whether it be joy, sadness, heartbreak or grief. Almost like soundtracks, if my life had been a movie. If only.

Alex Turner's lyricism is on another level. He is a wordsmith of Morrissey standards. His words are savagely life affirming. Take for example, one of my favourite lines from one of their songs SUCK IT AND SEE. In the song Turner sings “You’re rarer than a can of Dandelion& Burdock and those other girls are just post-mix lemonade.” Dandelion & Burdock is a British drink extremely difficult to find in shops; consequently, Turner is contrasting the rareness of this beverage to lemonade, which is more common and of lesser quality in comparison. By translating this idea into people, it is meant that the girl in question is more unique and special than the other girls.

When I first listened to this song, I thought my life had peaked. No force on Earth could stop me from believing that this was it. In fact this song was what prompted me to pick up and start learning the guitar. This was the only song i could play on the guitar for a while but being able to play an Arctic Monkeys song meant a lot to me. I sang it whenever i got the chance on the guitar and i think it rubbed off on some of my friends, who also started listening to the Monkeys after constantly hearing me play the song.

Music, they say, is a religion and I couldn't agree more. But if that is so then the Arctic Monkeys (Alex, Matt, Jamie and Nick) are gods because to me their sound is immaculate, otherworldly, almost divine. What they have done for a mere mortal like me is incalculable and I can only thank them in worship.

Summer Girl

Summer girl in the pastel dress
Why are you laughing when your hair's a mess.
Spring's gone yet there are blossoms in your smile,
I know I wouldn't find another girl like you.

Summer girl dancing in the rain,
What do you feel when all I feel is pain.
Winter's not far away but don't seem to care,
I wouldn't change the way you fare.

Summer girl singing in the night
Don't be afraid everything's alright,
I will always be by your side
Keeping all your worries aside.

I wanna see the world through your eyes
Take every stride by your side.
Summer girl don't ever want to let you go
Summer girl you know I've fallen for you.

Of life and trying times

This pain of separation stings my
heart everyday,
It hurts me through the night in
every way,
We were happy but that was our
past.
I have loved you and will always do
Till I breathe my last.
In this empty space away from the
world of those cruel beasts who
call themselves our well-wishers,
I lie on my bed.
These eyes that once used to dive
into yours are now closed forever,
These ears that once used to hear
your voice everyday will now hear
nothing but silence,
These lips that once used to say all
things that you loved to
hear are now shut without uttering
a single word,
This voice that once used to fill the
air with laughter and joy will never
be heard any more.
These hands that were once locked
with yours are now hanging loose
in the air,
And now I lie on my bed
emotionless.

Have you ever loved...

Have you ever loved?
Like in the movies,
where they fall in love at first sight.
Stayed up all night,
Talkin on the phone,
Showed her off to your friends,
Waited in the pouring rain,
Gone broke due to the gifts you gave,
Apologized even though you didn't
do anything wrong,
Stayed up all night writing letters,
Prayed to God for her health,
Avoided friends for her sake,
But in the end you watch her back as she leaves you.

Have you ever been heartbroken?
Punched the wall so hard,
Picked up a cigarette even though
you didn't smoke,
Avoided a place thinking that you
would meet her,
Written a text that you couldn't
send.

I have been heart broken at times,
Hated her as much as I loved her,
Deleted her number even though I
couldn't forget.
Erased all the Messages and
thought that all the sad songs in
this world was about me, about our love.